Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts

Friday, May 7, 2021

Little Me

Pain inside me, burning, like exploding fire, surrounding me, swallowing me up, can't breathe, can't move, can't see, eyes swimming, drowning, trapped, screaming but no one hears me. 

The little me inside of me, the other me...trying to get out, trying to be heard, the one that's been repressed, suppressed, oppressed, for so very long, yelling at me from the inside, making me feel like my brain might explode, making me feel....crazy.

Why is this happening...again? What did I do wrong? Trapped in this self-made prison...again. 

 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-being-angry-can-sometimes-be-good-you-ncna801661

 


Lyrics of My Soul

Hi. 

This is for you.

Fire and Glass

Yeah, you know who I'm talking to. Yes, you. I put this together for you. It's an amalgamation of a few songs that should mean something to you...to both of us. I have no idea how they would sound if you actually mashed them up...I'm not that good.  
 
As for credit, well, I have to name the artists so I don't get in trouble....just in case.
 
Shawn Mendes
Selena Gomez 
 
I take no credit for the original works these lyrics came from, only for how they were pieced together to make something new. 
 
As for the image above...that's all me, created just for this post. The one below...well, you should recognize that, but I don't know where it originally came from. 

Here it is....

Please have mercy on my heart

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

(but) I need you to set me free

I'm trying, trying, and trying not to think about you...

but with my feelings on fire, I guess I'm a bad liar

There's a million reasons why I should give you up, but

The heart wants what it wants

I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to...

You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it

If I could do it all again...I know I'd go back to you. 

 


 

 

Thursday, July 27, 2017

The Journey Begins



Three Crows in a Tree
The Picture
The picture on the left doesn't say a whole lot about anything.  It doesn't show the time of day, where it was taken, or why.  I'm not even sure I remember taking the picture...but I know I must have since it was on my phone, a phone no one else touches; (a phone that has no filters, mind you).  I know exactly where it is, and  most likely what I was doing when I took it.  

I live in a townhouse with pets, so, as these things go, I must walk my dog several times a day.  There is a rather sizeable tree at the end of my building that often gives spectacular views of the skyline...as you can see.  

I'm not sure if I took this picture because of the birds, or the sky, or something else...in any case, it's still beautiful. 


Why This Picture? I'm not sure why I chose this picture to use as my first post.  I keep going back to this one for some reason.  Like me, it has many aspects that are beautiful...the birds, the sky, the colors, the dark and light...maybe all of them...or maybe because I don't even know why I took it in the first place.

The Lesson is in the Learning.  My daily struggles as of late have been with finding ways to flex my creative muscles, so to speak.  The only thing I have are my photos...and I can write.  So, here I sit, letting my thoughts go here.  However, I'm still left with something left unsaid, left undone...something I cannot put my finger on.  I must continue on this path I've started, lest I be left alone in the dark forever.  I'm sure that's a quote I've heard before, but it is so true in my case.  I need an outlet, a vision, but nothing seems quite good enough. 

I've never been big on taking pictures, but I have a rather large collection gathering Internet dust, sitting in the cloud, or on my hard drive.  I've been trying to figure out ways to dust them off, reuse, or re-purpose them.  I've downloaded countless free photo editing programs, trying different things out, still not knowing what I want to do with them.  I've decided to leave them alone, and use them here.  I know that I do not want them hidden away, locked behind the virtual prison of my computer. 

Wait! What's the Lesson?  For me, the lesson is to keep trying, and learn something new everyday, especially about myself, what I love, and even what I don't.  I must learn to accept the things I am good at, even if I don't enjoy them.  I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it is what it is.  I'm not very good at a lot of things, and I'm equally good at a lot of other things, all of which I have varying degrees of like and dis-like for. Still confused? I am, too, but probably for different reasons.  This is why I want to learn as much as I can...so I can untie this proverbial knot in my brain. 

So What About the Crows?  The crows, and this picture, really have nothing to do with me...other than its puzzling nature.  Once in a lifetime a great photo opportunity comes around, and you must take the shot.  That photo was one such opportunity.  And, right now, I am in a unique situation that has given me a little bit of time and freedom to discover myself.  My 'once in a lifetime moment'.  Don't get me wrong, the situation is not a great one, it's simply happenstance.  I will soon be back to being the working mother, pseudo-house-wife, and college student with not a whole lot of time left in the day just for me and my musings.   In the mean time, I will continue to post my photos and write about the thoughts they provoke. Maybe in this short journey I will learn a new skill, something I love, and that I am also good at, finding a road to true fulfillment along the way. 

 

Little Me

Pain inside me, burning, like exploding fire, surrounding me, swallowing me up, can't breathe, can't move, can't see, eyes swimm...